So here we are at the beginning of a New Year, filled with hope that it will exceptionally better than last year, which, lets be honest, wont take much. I had a pretty great 2016, barring some events from history, but I look forward to what this year has to offer. I will be growing this here little Site O’ Wonders. We will be doing A LOT of traveling this year beginning in just a few shorts weeks. I am seriously looking forward to spring time so we can get our garden on! I have a list of shit a mile long that I can’t wait to begin this year, BUT FIRST we have to adhere to the old adage: “Out with the old, in with the new!”
Cliche? Why, yes, thank you! But it’s the truth. I am not one of those folks that likes to hold on to the Holidays any longer than December 30th. My tree and decorations were down before I started party planning for the New Year and I like it that way. I actually discovered a really neat trick this Christmas day… I cleaned out the toy box! While my Kidiots were preoccupied with all the wonder shit Santa got for them, sneaky Mom was smuggling out the broken and unwanted toys in a garbage bag to make room for all the new goodies. Granted, those bags of shit still are in my trunk where they await patiently for the day that I remember they’re in there and don’t drive past Goodwill in an exhausted stupor. Whatever. My intentions are good.
So, in the spirit of my obsessive purging I have compiled a not-so-excessive list of things that you should definitely toss if you want to start 2017 feeling lighter and ready to conquer the world.
This might seem like a given, especially since you just likely stocked up a bunch of new goodies over the holidays, but its super easy to forget about the bottom of the toy box that we never see. This is something I actually start bitching about the first week of December. “We should clear out all this old stuff no one plays with anymore to make room for Christmas.” My whole family looks at me like I’m an alien and it only takes me 4 weeks to get around to actually purging the toys.
We haven’t had a school food drive since my oldest switched schools two years ago. If you’re like me, you have shit in your pantry that you’re not sure how it got there and you are absolutely sure no one will eat it. It’s approaching its expiration date (or has gone way past) and maybe there is a lingering of Cheerio crumbs beneath everything. The New Year is great time to load up a box of food and drop it at your local shelter or food pantry, trust me, people are still in need after the Holidays. I like to keep all our cereal and pasta and stuff in these kick ass containers. We, at one time, had a mouse who thought he also lived here and put everything into these containers while we poisoned his ass. They’re awesome. I wish there were a way to just take my empty cereal container to the store to fill it up… that’s an idea for another day.
I also clean out my freezer! We have an big freezer on our porch and because I don’t have to open that fucker every day, some weird shit gets forgotten about. There is always one busted bag of frozen veggies a
I’m not jumping the gun on this one, swear. It’s still technically winter (probably more so for most of you than myself) and you still need all those sweaters, pants, jackets, thick socks, yadda yadda. I know this and I typically don’t touch the kids clothes until the spring when it starts to warm up and I can pack away winter stuff and toss outgrown things into a box for goodwill. At the beginning of the new year I like to go through my closet and make a reasonable consideration towards all my clothing; am i ever going to fit in this? Have I worn this? Will I ever wear this?
I follow the rule of thumb, if I haven’t worn it in 6 months, it’s toast. I am guilty of having a section of too small clothes that I will fit back into one day, dammit. You just wait! I keep my clothing to a minimum that way I don’t feel guilty buying new things! I wish that I could get Whole-Assed Hubby on board with this – maybe I’d have a little more closet space for my summer wardrobe.
MAKE-UP / BATHROOM
So there are apparently suggestions as to how long you should keep your make-up, none of which I follow because that shit is expensive and I hardly get the chance to wear it, I’m not tossing my 20$ mascara because someone on the internet told me to. I am NOT here to tell you to either, breathe easy. You can keep all the make-up you want, I don’t even care. But I would suggest that you organize it. I would love to have one of those adorable and convenient clear make-up caddies that makes everything accessible and keeps it neat… but I have a fucking tupperware box that works just fine to de-clutter my counter top. I go through, toss the shit I don’t use daily in a drawer (or, gasp, the trash!) and move on. I’ve got kids and I don’t have a a lot of time. When they sense I am in the bathroom they automatically swarm.
Clear out all the collected soaps, washes, shampoos, creams, bubbles and salts from under your bathroom sink, give it the once over and be realistic. Are you going to ever bathe in Peony scented bubbles often enough to use 64 oz. of the shit? I wouldn’t. That shit is finding a new home, whether its donated or trashed, it’s gotta go. It is taking up valuable space where I could be stockpiling toilet paper for the zombie apocalypse.
Holy shit, did this woman just give me permission to throw out my cleaning supplies!? #BESTDAYEVER
I sure as shit did. But don’t get too excited, this is just another method of trickery I use on myself to get my ass in gear. I stick all my cleaning supplies in one place, under my kitchen sink. Because I don’t fucking like cleaning or bending down, things get pushed to the back where they can disappear. I must have 3 bottles of 1/4 full Windex hiding somewhere back there. So, beginning of the year I yank all that shit out and combine, condense or trash. Oh, fuck, while I have it out I may as well wash the windows. Boom, under the sink is organized and now I don’t have to wash windows until 2018. Trickery.
This might sound weird, but stay with me. I’m not saying abandon all the timeless music on your playlist, I’m just saying that maybe you don’t want Ariana Grande taking up space on your device. Maybe you haven’t had any of The Lacs, or Flo Rida in a while. I like to cycle through what’s on my device, because when I can’t get any WiFi in the mountains this summer, the last asshole I want to hear from my device is Drake. Just saying.
This may not seem like a lot – and you may not end up tossing or purging anything, which is OK too. Just having given the time to straighten and inventory your household is going to make you feel better, a little more in control and lighter. So, while the Kidiots are tearing wildly into the toy box with little, dirty fist-fulls of Gold Fish crackers, go throw out all those old, funky smelling bubble baths you’ve been collecting for years. You’ll thank me for it.
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